Shhh, Don't Tell Anyone You've Seen Me

Rabbit, Rabbit why are you so wet?
Froggy, Froggy, I lost a bet.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

One of our salesmen called out of work today because his neighbor let twelve chickens go in his backyard and he must collect them. It may take awhile because he thinks the chickens are cockfighters from Camden and he's afraid of them.

Foolish April Horoscopes

Aquarius - January 21 to February 19 - Only a fool uses garlic salt with tequilla.

Pisces - February 20 to March 20 - Loyalty changes the fool.

Aries - March 21 to April 20 - Don't play the fool to be loved.

Taurus - April 21 to May 21 - Red leads a fool astray.

Gemini - May 22 to June 21 - Pull yourselves together to avoid being a fool.

Cancer - June 22 to July 22 - Even a fool leaves the house sometimes.

Leo - July 23 to August 23 - A king can be a fool.

Virgo - August 24 to September 23 - Friends won't fool you.

Libra - September 24 to October 23 - Fool and fanatic: two sides of the same coin.

Scorpio - October 24 to November 22 - A fool spites himself.

Sagittarius - November 23 to December 23 - Changing hats doesn't change the fool.

Capricorn - December 24 to January 20 - Lying to yourself makes you a fool.

Rabbit, Rabbit and Astrology Monthly

OK, the Rabid Rabbit is not moving and I'm getting annoyed, so we'll move on for now, after saying Rabbit, Rabbit. As you can see, it's working now. Annoying, isn't it?

Astrology Monthly March 2008 - Wisdom from the Stars, channeled through the me.

The theme for March is Money, Money, Money and may it multiply like Rabbits, Rabbits.

Aquarius January 21 to February 19 – Appearances are not everything, especially when cash is a bit tight the way it is this month for you. Your presence alone is enough to impress, you don’t need to buy your status and respect. No really, I’m not kidding.

Pisces February 20 to March 20 – Just because people buy you expensive things doesn’t mean they really love you, so it is ok to sell the “gifts” you receive for some extra partying cash. Go have fun with your newly found solvency.

Aries March 21 to April 20 – As always, you have more than enough money for your needs which admittedly are few. Take some of that extra cash and throw a bash. You don’t have to talk to anyone; you can just watch. It’ll be fun.

Taurus April 21 to May 21 – Stop trying to budget for your friends. There is no one right way to spend money. Just don’t loan any of your hard earned cash to the one who buys frills instead of paying his bills.

Gemini May 22 to June 21 – Flip a coin. If it’s heads buy the big screen TV, if it’s tails go on a cruise. Oh, the heck with it, do both. You’re getting a windfall this month.

Cancer June 22 to July 22 – You do not need another set of sheets or a set of dishes just for Tuesdays. Save some of your money this month. Your nest egg is going to fall out of the tree and crack, so you’ll need that emergency cash.

Leo July 23 to August 23 – While you certainly should be paid just for being good looking, you may have to wait a bit before that happens. In the meantime, you need to work just like the rest of us lesser mortals.

Virgo August 24 to September 23 – Money still keeps coming your way for no apparent reason this month. You can spend some of it on good times with your many friends, but only after you’ve paid your credit cards from the last time you partied.

Libra September 24 to October 23 – Money…it’s the green stuff used to purchase all the lovely music, art and books you love so well. True, it’s beneath your notice most of the time, but every once in awhile it couldn’t hurt to know how much you have, you know, for more baubles.

Scorpio October 24 to November 22 – There is no need to punish yourself every time you spend a few dollars on yourself. You work hard. You have plenty of dough. You deserve something nice. Quit spending on your kids, they’ve got plenty already.

Sagittarius November 23 to December 23 – You, on the other hand, need to quit spending on yourself this month, especially when it comes to party hats and noise makers. Try having some fun without wearing a costume.

Capricorn December 24 to January 20 – You have gotten so much better at budgeting your money, that’s why you didn’t bounce any checks last month. Do throw caution to the March winds and destroy all of your good work. You’ll be happy you maintained control when April comes around.

Astrology Monthly - YOUR LOVE LIFE

As predicted, I am posting this late. Remember, this is just for fun. I will be taking some time off (a week or two.) I need to have a long stern chat with my self. We seem to be out of sync and I'm not putting up with any shenanigans. (I have multiple personalities, too.)

In honor of Valentine’s Day, February 14th, this month’s astrological predictions will be about LOVE, sort of.

Aquarius January 21 to February 19 - One would think that the water bearer would have an abundance of love overflowing and pouring onto those nearest and dearest, but unfortunately, all you Aquarians are keeping your emotional juices stoppered in your amphora’s this month. Pop a cork, already.

Pisces February 20 to March 20 - You Piscesians are always chasing the tail in front of your face. Stop swimming in circles. The whirl pools you create in your life will only suck you into the abyss where you will be eaten by sea monsters. Is that what you want?

Aries March 21 to April 20 - Telling people what they want to hear may get you through the moment but in the long run will cause confusion. You'd be better off staying quiet until you know how you really feel. Oh, and farting is not a love song.

Taurus April 21 to May 21 - Snorting and bellowing will not get you any love this month. While forcing yourself on others may seem to work, it's not really passion but stalking. If you are looking for a jailhouse romance, follow a steady course.

Gemini May 22 to June 21 - While no romance with a partner could possibly compare to the love you have for yourself, it does make it easier when dancing at parties. Get a partner, even if it is only to make you look more normal.

Cancer June 22 to July 22 - Not everyone wants to stay home all of the time with only one person to look at day and night. At the very least, going out in public will give you a reason to get out of you PJ's and your partner will feel less like a prisoner of love.

Leo July 23 to August 23 - We all know you are the royalty of the zodiac, but even kings and queens must stay in touch with reality if they do not wish to be assassinated in their sleep or poisoned at the dinner table. Telling your partner how wonderful he/she is will not mean you are less so.

Virgo August 24 to September 23 - Your partner should be your friend, but you should occasionally treat him or her as more than a friend. Either stop treating your friends like lovers or stop treating your lover as your friends. There should be some difference between the two.

Libra September 24 to October 23 - It is easy to understand why you can't make up your mind. There are just so many wonderful and interesting people in the world from which to choose. Just keep an eye on the expiration dates of your favorite little friends.

Scorpio October 24 to November 22 - Being alone is easier than wondering if you can trust your partner, but you are too quick to think everyone an enemy. Once you've let loose, it can't be taken back. Control your stinger.

Sagittarius November 23 to December 23 - Prancing around in a cupid costume will only embarrass your partner. Those smiles you see on other people's faces are really grimaces. Sometimes the funny is only in your head.

Capricorn December 24 to January 20 - Quit hiding the person you love from the rest of the world. Either bring your romance out into the open or end it. You won't find a partner that is perfect for everyone you know, so pick one that you can stomach for more than 5 minutes together.