Thursday, March 04, 2010

Bite Me


Sean the Vampire – Part 006


“A man in Oregon kidnaps children and sells them to people outside of the country.” The Ghost Toasty, Doctor Death, hovered over Sean the Vampire.


Sean sat at the large, oak desk in the library of the mansion, Mount Olympus. He sucked on a tube inserted in a bag of blood. Sean chuckled at the thought of TV vampires drinking blood from crystal goblets. In reality, they would die of malnutrition if they fed that way. Blood could not be touched by air if it was to retain its nutritional value for a vampire. 


Doctor Death floated in front of Sean. He stirred the papers on the desk. Sean looked at him.


“What do you think?”


“About what?”


“The child trafficker in Oregon.”


“Horrible,” Sean said.


“Are we going after him?” Doctor Death tried to squeeze Sean’s bag of blood. Affecting the physical world whenever he wanted required more effort and concentration than the ghost could yet muster.


Sean shrugged his shoulders and continued to suck.


“A woman, known as ‘Mom’ physically abuses her foster children. She’s killed three so far and gotten away with it.”


“I never felt comfortable targeting people for dinner.” The bag compressed and squeezed together as Sean sucked out the last of the blood and air. He tossed the tube onto the desk and stood up. “Now that I have all this money, I can buy blood. With the rest, I just want to help people. Carry on the work with the orphans. Maybe expand to homeless families.” Sean wandered around the room as he spoke.


Doctor Death became dense. He thrust himself at the book shelves over Sean’s head. Books rained down on Sean, striking him about the shoulders until he moved away. He picked a book up from the floor and threw it at Doctor Death. It went through the spirit and struck the shelves.


“We made a deal,” said Doctor Death. “I expect you to stick to it.”


“Judgment and punishment should be left to someone else.”


“Don’t be such a wishy washy wuss. The rabid vermin of this world need to be put down and you are the perfect exterminator.” Doctor Death floated over the desk. “Come look at this article in this Oregon paper.”


Sean drifted back to the desk.


“Look at the faces of these missing children and then tell me you can’t go after the monster stealing them from their families for his profit.”


Sean spread out the front page of the newspaper. Pictures of five children covered most of the page. The headline read, “Missing From Three States. Authorities Baffled.” Sean looked at each child in turn. His eyes reached the little girl in the fourth picture. His back stiffened and he grabbed the edges of the paper in both fists bringing it closer to his face. He held his breath. He became whiter than usual and his fangs extended.


“Are you ok, Sean?”


“My daughter.”


Doctor Death smiled as Sean dropped the paper and rushed from the library.
0 - green butterfly I am going back to responding to comments in the comment section beginning with this post.
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41 comments:

  1. Multi Tasking! I don't see how you can do so many different things at one time. This was good, it had an emotional hook making us want to see what happens next. And the dialog was well balanced with the action or movements of the characters. I liked the flow, it whisked us along in its current like a river.

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  2. Does your blog look different or is it just me?
    This was full of suspense. I love the big letters in the text.;)
    xo
    Zuzana

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  3. I, too, like the large font. Great ending, Nessa.

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  4. Tom: I tried to apply the points I read about yesterday. I'm glad it worked. There's one more ongoing story. Each is very different in my mind so I hope I can finish them all.

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  5. Zuzana: I am trying to make everything easier to read. I want this story full of suspense. Thanks.

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  6. Rhonda: My old eyes like the big fonts. I'm glad the ending worked. Thank-you.

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  7. Stunning work! You got to get published!

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  8. Realliveman: Thank-you so much. My #1, top-of-the-list goal for this year is to submit.

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  9. What a twist and concept! I absolutely loved this one. It needs to be published! Have a great day :)

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  10. Susan: Thanks. From your mouth...

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  11. Very imaginative twist. Like the details, the blood in the bag idea, the books tumbling onto Sean's head. I'm with Tom: the pacing of the dialog trots along to its hooked ending.

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  12. why you aren't published yet I'll never know. I'd buy all your work, for sure!

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  13. I really enjoyed this story. You are so gifted.

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  14. Enchanted Oak: You are in good company when you agree with Tom.

    ; )

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  15. 5thsister: It's lack of focus and perseverance. Correcting as we speak.

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  16. Finding Pam: I'm glad you enjoyed and thank-you.

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  17. Oh! I was so sure nothing would get him to do hunt and kill again after the last time, but if anything will do it this will. Great job, Nessa!

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  18. Quilly: I think he may get downright vengeful. Thanks.

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  19. Wow, I know someone who is gonna be famous one day soon! Very cool!

    Well done!

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  20. Oooh...that is so good! I literally got chills!

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  21. i love all the tiny details that make the characters alive. i wonder if Dr. Death has anything to do with the appearance of Sean's daughter's picture in that paper

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  22. Julianna: Hmmm? I wonder. Well, no I don't. Because I know and all.

    ;)

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  23. Jenn @ You know...that blog?:

    Sorry. I did not mean to skip you.

    From your mouth to God's ears, as they say.

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  24. Why would you do such a thing?! Leaving us on the edge, not knowing how Sean will react! I NEED to know more...asap!

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  25. Nessa, This morning I received a link to "Sean the Vampire" in my e-mail inbox. It came with the message "Lucifer revolted over territory". I'm not quite sure how to answer.

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  26. Great hook. Me thinks that Doctor Death knows just how to push Sean's buttons. I look forward to seeing how things pan out.

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  27. Adrinanna: I will try to write faster - especially now that I've figured out where Sean is going.

    ;)

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  28. Karen: Perhaps the devil is playing game with you as that is a comment I left Doug and I've never emailed you.

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  29. Shelley Munro; I hope it pans well.

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  30. Nessa, nevertheless, Sean the Vampire was in e-mail inbox. How do you think I got here? I just clicked on the link and here I was -- so magical !!

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  31. Karen: It just bubbles out of the cauldron.

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  32. Nessa: Is "Bite Me" the title of this bubbly post?

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  33. Nessa, you got to get this published!
    I would buy you know.
    I love vampire stories and honestly,
    much as I read but I really do not like
    to read long stories in blogs,
    the larger font helps A LOT and
    get marketing skill on that!

    I wish you all the best!

    hugs
    shakira

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  34. Shakira: I will remember you when I publish. ;)

    I try to keep the entries under 500 words. I have a hard time reading more than that on blogs myself. The large font does seem to be a hit. Thanks.

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  35. Well written. And you ended this section leaving such suspence. How could the reader not want to know more?

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  36. Oooo, this is a really good one, Nessa. How did I miss it?

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