Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Family Secrets

My brother has rusty nuts. We are so close that I know these kinds of intimate details about him.

My aunt arrived Sunday from Austria. After bringing her home from the Philadelphia airport, we sat around the dining room table having snacks and drinks and just chatting.

My father closed the sliding glass door behind him.

My sister-in-law asked, “How does your door slide so smoothly and quietly?”

My mother, in her usual helpful manner said, “You must clean the runners every once in a while.”

As we always do and to my mother’s utter chagrin, we ignored her sage advice.

My sister-in-law said, “Stan* (my brother) won’t let me use WD-40 on the door.”

“WD-40 will just make the runners gummy and sticky,” says I. I know about these things. I’m so wise and learned.

“You need to use graphite,” my father tells her. “It’s good for loosening things, especially rusty nuts.”

I’m sure you know the rest of the story.

*Not his real name, because I don’t want him to kick my ass.

23 comments:

  1. graphite huh?

    chasing my boyfriend around with a sharpened pencil may scare his rusty nuts.

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  2. You write strange, interesting, and enjoyable little stories.

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  3. That's funny, Nessa. But I use WD-40 on my mine. I mean on my door.

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  4. TMI Doug!

    I'm so glad I don't have nuts to rust. Just sayin'. Our stuff don't rust.

    Does wax work? On the doors I mean.

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  5. Why change his name? If we ever meet your brother, we're still gonna laugh, no matter what you sy his name is.

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  6. Perhaps if he didn't let them get so damp they wouldn't rust. Or maybe if he were to polish them frequently. He might find he enjoys that.

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  7. Crystal: They’s be loosened though.

    Pauline: I’m easily amused.

    Dr. J: Thanks. Glad you like.

    Doug: I’m talking about doors, too. What are you trying to suggest?

    Tlp: Why is everyone clarifying our subject matter? I hear waxing is always good.

    Quilly: My brother would never believe I make fun of him.

    Bazza: You are so full of practical and helpful hints. I will pass them on to him.

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  8. Oh, I think this post might qualify you for membership in the Testicle Sorority. You must go delve into the archives at Min at Mama Drama...share this with her.

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  9. Yeah, Swampy sent me here!! Welcome to the Testicle Sorority!! Come over to Mama Drama anytime! ("Testicle Sorority" is totally Google-able!)

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  10. Swampy: I've never been in a sorority. I'll check it out.

    Stephanie: Hi. I'll go look.

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  11. Sounds like your family has lots of fun. But now I'm wondering what this brother knows about YOU!
    (and I'm a little surprised at Bazza!) LOL

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  12. Graphite? Where in the heck do you get graphite?

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  13. Jackie: There is nothing to know. I am very boring and my life is an open book so don't EE-ven bother to ask.

    Kat: Well, it comes in the mail, in a plan brown wrapper...

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  14. Graphite on nuts sounds painful, I must say.

    Bro oughta keep those things where they belong and dry them off when they get moist.

    Ew.

    The goats just got castrated, speaking of nuts.

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  15. My honey makes pinewood derby cars every year with the Things and they always use graphite on the wheels. He does not, to my knowledge use it on the door or his nuts.
    Silicone based lubricates are the very latest thing, ya know.

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  16. I would never allow my nuts to get rusty! Not happening!! =)

    8)

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  17. Just checking to see it you meandered over to Mama Drama for membership in T.S.

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  18. Isn't Brad Pitt's character in the Ocean's # movies named "Rusty?" I'm glad you resisted the urge to go with a different rusty nuts angle on this one ...

    -- david

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  19. Rusty nuts, is that better or worse than salty nuts???
    lol

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  20. WD-40 is good for short term relief, but graphite is really the way to go.

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  21. Cindra: Speaking of painful. I think my brother still has his…

    Logo: Silicone sounds very smooth and soothing.

    Se7en: You obviously are a man who knows how to take care of business.

    Phoenix: I am very pleased to hear it.

    Swampy: I went there briefly once last week and have not had a chance to get back. I will though.

    David: Do you think that’s how he got his nickname?

    Dabich: Gosh, I’m not sure. Both sound very irritating.

    Diesel: And we will leave with your final authority on the matter. Case closed.

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