Tuesday, October 24, 2006
I am pretty sure I’m a vampire.
I was watching a show on Discovery last night about vampires. Well, I actually watched one on Discovery and then one on Biography and I really wasn’t watching too carefully, mostly just glancing during the times when Blogger toyed with my affections during the night.
Look at those hideously long and sharp eye teeth. They are perfect for piercing flesh. I bet they’d leave that tell tale mark on someone’s neck. And see that chip in the right, front tooth? I got that when I tried to have a vampiric moment with a swinging padlock.
Do I bite the dog or my husband?
While trying to answer the previous question, I started gnawing on my index finger’s cuticle. I ripped it off and it began to bleed. I sucked on my finger until I bled no more. I rather enjoyed the sensation.
Sunlight bothers my eyes. I even wear my sunglasses on cloudy days. I hum “Sunglasses at Night” when I am out cruising the bars looking for victims.
I wear black all of the time and I think capes are cool. If I had any fashion balls, I would attempt to bring long, flowing, red satin-lined cloaks back into common use. But I’m sensitive and cry easily, so I prefer not to have anyone point and laugh at me.
I like to sleep all day and stay up all night. At three in the afternoon, I’m ready for a nap and sometimes I don’t even go to bed until twenty-one hundred hours.
I think Don Henrie is hot, not. He’s just a walking freak show.
And I’m blonde. Oh, sorry, that doesn’t make me a vampire. Never mind.