I went out into public at lunch time today. I hate the Pub-lick. The public should be quarantined from me. It really is for their own good. I am not fit for social interaction.
I woke up at three in the morning feeling nauseous. My innards rumbled and gurgled and erupted in assorted ways keeping me awake until the alarm jangled my nerves. Rain poured from the heavens so I couldn’t take my morning constitutional. My head ached. I did manage a shower, which my co-workers will appreciate, but the effort to please them, drained me.
As soon as I walked through the office door, people started complaining about each other. They think because I don’t say anything I’m a good listener. They don’t know I go on mini-vacations when they speak to me. I allow my primitive brain to protect me from danger by waking me up when a response is needed.
None of the timecards were ready for payroll. I searched around the office, gathering them up so I wouldn’t have heart failure as the afternoon’s deadline approached. And I still felt like crap. My gills cringed like I ate a lemon. I shook with the chills. My dizziness had nothing to do with my hair color. My eyes crossed periodically as they do when I’m over tired.
So what do I do to make my misery complete? I went to the mall on my lunch break looking for a cake pan in the shape of a man. Well, do ya think there is any such thing? No. Now, I’m really cranky. I pulled out of the parking lot to go back to the office and I got cut off by this little chippy in a blue sports car that sounded like my lawn mower. I don’t drive a big fancy car. I have a little ole’ Cavalier, but it’s a five speed and I know how to use it. I can’t be beat from a dead stop up to about fifty. I kept up with her just enough so that she had to move into the lane to my left and then she got stuck behind another car at the red light and I turned into a disgusting wacko driver. I pulled along side her at the light and pointed at her and laughed. My only excuse is that I was wearing my sign that said, “Insane Bitch, Keep Away.”