Monday, May 08, 2006

Monday's Madness - Me

I am mad. I am mad at myself. I am mad because I can't manage to follow a plan for one lousy week. I am mad because I am so out of shape, that a little manual labor wore me out so much that I couldn’t follow my plan. I am mad because I did not write all last week on Storytime, so I didn’t have a post ready for Saturday. I am mad because my focus is poor, my determination lax, and my drive over, my zip done du da-ed.

And before all of you lovely sympathetic people start telling me not to be too hard on myself, I say don’t. I deserve it. I am always finding ways to put off what I should be doing. I have a million excuses to give myself to rationalize doing it another day.

I am not hard enough on myself. I plan, I make notes, I have a million and one schedules, to do lists and post it notes. I ignore them when it is convenient for me. I spend all of my time planning, researching, and thinking. All excuses for not doing what I tell myself I want to do.

If I say I want to write, why then do I not write? Why do I allow the laundry and plants get in my way? My husband thinks I am talking to my trans-sexual boyfriend. Why do I allow that to distract me? (Well, that is pretty amusing.) Now, he’s giving my ear a Wet Willy. See how easily I’m distracted? I have no discipline.

9 comments:

  1. sounds like my life i have a hard time getting motivated as well
    meh

    ReplyDelete
  2. bah

    i should be in uni doing painting, or atleast printmaking, but instead im here, watching my boyfriend do HIS uni work (at uni)over a webcam feed [he has to build a set to recreate a film still; he chose Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Fool :P ]
    and i have 3-4 weeks left, in which time i have atleast 8 projects to do / hand in ^^

    PROCRASTINATION RULES

    woo ^^


    bah, yes, im afraid i have too agree with you, it is your fault, but youre not the only one. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear: Thinking about doing things is so much easier than actually doing them.

    ceccg: Procrastination does rule. And at least I'm right about something, thanks ; )

    ReplyDelete
  4. Adults with ADD unite and...oooh!! Look!! Something shiny!!! *sound of me running away*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey why not try the carrot instead of the stick? Believe me, all this self loathing gets you nowhere - mires you in deeper, in fact.

    So, promise yourself a small treat (like a new gel pen, or a box of chocolate or a new art project) anything to get your juices flowing, the next time you do a small task you set out to.

    Babysteps, my dear...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Jege: Come back. *waving new toy in the air*

    Jenn: Sometimes I forget that babysteps will get me far. Thanks for the reminder. Now, what prezzie do I want?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hmmmm that's a good one. What prezzie do you want?????????

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jenn: I think I'm going to get me a new desk/writing buddy. When I get him, I'll take a picture.

    ceccg: I'll make sure he has something shiney, too.

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from you ... Leave a link, if you like, so people can find you easily.

I will delete spam comments.